Hi All,
Welcome to my new personal blog. Please forgive the format issues. I was too impatient to make it ‘perfect’ before I made the site live. Check back in a week or two and see how I am doing.
Love,
Thinking Woman
Debbie asked me to pick up Maggie’s ashes
I came over and we took Cody, the dog, out to Debbie’s mom’s car so Cody could say goodbye to Maggie, who was still in the trunk. We opened the trunk and Cody sniffed Maggie. Debbie and I cried over the loss of her faithful friend and the spectacle of the moment.
Later Debbie and her mother dropped Maggie off at the SPCA, staff helpled remove Maggie from the trunk of the car. Debbie emailed me to say, “we took Maggie to the SPCA and cried and cried. I want her back. Thank you so much for coming over. Cody is more relaxed now. Thanks for being there when he and I had to see Maggie. My mother is crying more about Maggie than she did when my father died. She knew how close I was to Maggie. So now I am going to be one of those crazy pet owners who keeps their dog’s ashes on the mantle in a jar of some sort. I have to get something that really suits Maggie.”
Debbie asked me to go to the SPCA to pick up Maggie’s ashes. The SPCA was conveniently close to my house. The man handed me what looked like a candy tin. Driving away, I asked myself, what do you do with a friend’s dog’s ashes? I brought Maggie’s tin to my house. I put her in a gift bag with a Yankee candle and made my way to the Campaign for Justice Under the Law Meeting to transfer Maggie to Debbie’s mother who was attending the activist meeting on Ron and Debbie’s behalf. Later Deb emailed me and said, “Thank you so much for going to get Maggie. I wanted her home, and Mom did not feel like going to pick her up. It was so nice of you and especially thoughtful to send her in a pretty little gift bag with a candle. You are
too much. I am sleeping with her by my side.”
You could always count on Debbie
You could always count on Debbie and know that you would have the opportunity to talk… and talk… and talk. Before I would get on the phone to chat about the day’s events, I would make sure that I had eaten and I was in no rush.
It was her demand for an honest and simple friendship that I found so compelling. It didn’t matter what the topic was or who in charge at the moment, she would engage, as long as it was from the heart. Being with Debbie in person, on the phone or in emails meant you had to be prepared for sarcasm, politics, raw emotion and humor.
Being friends with Debbie also meant that you had to be real with how the prison system can devastate a family. As a prisoners wife, Debbie kept her love and devotion to Ron in the foreground, never letting anyone forget that part of her had been ripped away from her. Her activism came from the heart. Her compassion for people was radical. Sometimes we would talk on the phone just to rant about the violence of war and injustice. But the conversation didn’t end on ranting, she was acting on and constantly forming ideas to change the world. A community garden, a documentary, a prisoners art project, family support groups, outreach, vigils, you name it.
I miss Debbie’s sarcastic and raw analysis of world events. Who do I know now that I can get a neck cramp holding the phone between my shoulder and ear, while baking and doodling, all the while shouting and raging about these crazy times?
Maggie’s Gone
My email inbox contained a short note from Debbie one morning, “Maggie got lost last night and ran across the street. She got hit by a car and was killed. There are not enough sad faces for how I feel. She slept with me and kept me warm for many years while Ron has been gone and she would have hurt anyone who tried to hurt me. She was my baby.”
Maggie the dog had sadly gotten hit by a car and was now in the trunk of Debbie’s mother’s car since they didn’t know what to do with the now deceased doggie. The next morning, before Debbie and her mother figured out what to do, Debbie’s mother left for a meeting – with Maggie in the trunk of her car. Debbie called to cry and get help on how to deal with the loss of her beloved Maggie and re-connect with the remains of her beloved pet — her mom and the dog would be back sometime later in the day.
Meanwhile, Debbie’s mother was able to squeeze in blessings for the dog by the family pastor in the parking lot of the church over the departed in the trunk of her car, as Debbie’s mother continued on with her various errands for the day. With few updates, I made plans to come to bury Maggie in their back yard, until Debbie and I were told that the ground was too frozen for that. What’s plan ‘B’ Debbie? We got one quote for cremation but it was way too high so we called a few more places and got the best deal. All the while, we were wondering if it was OK that her mom was driving around with Maggie in her trunk.